Optimism

I’m not used to optimism.
It’s a strange coat to wear
For me.
But I’ve met a woman.
A woman gently complicated
And carefully receptive
To a me.
A me I’m not sure of.
A me that wonders
What I have,
What I am,
That attracts this woman.
I worry I will change
And the attraction
Will fade.
So many days,
So many hours,
To be the same.
But I will try
To be
The person she cares for,
The person she yearns for,
Until I am.

What happened?

So many things
were going so well.
I allowed myself
to feel.
To feel more
than I have
in a very long time.
Mistakenly.
How could I not see the bomb
once I lit the fuse?
Easy.
I never saw the fuse.
A hundred things done wrong
and it’s the one thing done right
that sinks me.
Honesty
is a double edged sword
and it’s so very sharp.
I’ve never swung the sword,
I’ve never lit the fuse,
but I feel the bite and burn
Nonetheless.