night after night

I’ve come to realize
A mistake I’ve been making.
I looked at each night
As bad or good
And found far more bad nights
Than good.
I sat on the couch
Watching the door
And wondering
What manner of beast
Would ride through.
But nights are not black or white.
They are a million shades
Of gray.
And the beast that bursts the door
Is only a woman
Having a bad day.
Self fulfilling prophecies
Are called such for a reason.
My expectation
Night after night
Was a foreboding.
And that inclination
Made it so.
Now I see that nights are just nights.
And that the status quo
Is also aptly named.
I welcome the many shades of gray
And take each night
On its own merits.
The beast is gone
And only my love remains
To cross the threshold
Night after night.

The Long Hall

Happiness has found me
At the end of this long hall
That is my life.
So many doors
To closets and rooms.
So many dead ends
And empty spaces.
I’ve struggled
To get this far
And never expected
Anything else.
But now the path
Is suddenly easier.
And there is joy
Behind each door.
I could turn around
And look back
At the long hall
But I won’t
Ever
Again.

Stillness

Stillness is a vague memory,
a comfort I crave
but cannot realize.
My skin crawls
and my muscles twitch.
What has happened
to my center?
It’s the meds
I tell myself.
But what if
it’s not?
What if my center
is forever moving?
I hate that thought.
I used to pride myself
on my ability
to
be
still.
Now I try so hard
to move so little.
It’s not the same.