Recent History

After I left my Ex,
the woman I dated
for two and a half years,
the woman I was engaged to
for a year,
I dated two women.
One was gorgeous,
beautiful hair,
dark skin and eyes.
We had so much in common.
But we were never comfortable
with the idea of dating
each other.
Our dates
were just encounters.
The other was
beautiful
in the most classic way.
She was fair skinned
with dark hair
and a great smile.
But the connection
Wasn’t there.
We knew each other
years ago
and were both seeking
what we had in the past
We slowly drifted apart.
Alone again
with two more experiences
behind me,
I am wondering
just what it is
I am looking for.

My last memory of my mother

My last memory of my mother…
I close my eyes and think back.
Was by a car in front of a building
I had never seen before.
I believe I knew even at five
that I would never see her again.
My clothes were packed in a duffle bag.
My comics, in a brown paper bag.
She said I was going away for awhile,
but I knew better.
I had gone away before
for several months
and returned,
but this was different.
She was crying and reassuring me
that everything would be better
this time.
My little brother was in the backseat,
hands pressed against the window.
He was crying too and didn’t know why.
A man came out from the building
and said his name was George.
He picked up my bags
and returned to the building.
I told my mother not to cry,
that I would be ok.
I asked for a picture of us
so I could remember
and she cried harder.
She hugged me tight and said she was sorry.
She took my hand and led me
toward the building.

my life

I have secrets.
Things I can’t tell you
or anyone
lest I be judged.
My life has been different
than other lives you know.
I have killed.
and I have been spared.
There is no balance.
Nothing equals loss.
Nothing equals sacrifice.
They happen.
People move on.
There is no balance.
There are things
I would change,
but cannot.
I barely know my life.
How can I know the life
You think you know.