The Angel

I was 24,
standing in a park in Austin,
looking at Town Lake at dusk.
The orange streaked sky
rippled across the water,
beckoning to me in gentle waves.
As I started to walk to the water,
A woman standing by the statue
of Stevie Ray Vaughn, called out to me.
I walked over and smiled.
She asked if I would join her for a smoke.
I smiled and accepted her offer.
She said her name was Ruth
and asked me mine
as she handed me a cigarette and lighter.
I told her and we stood there
smoking in silence.
She smiled and sat
on the base of the statue,
looking out at the water.
“Do you know
you have another name?” she asked.
Confused, I said no, not that I knew of.
“Your are also called David,
son of Jesse,” she said.
I wondered if I should walk away.
This woman seemed so strange.
“David was a fighter and a king,”
she said, lighting another cigarette.
“I know you came here to die,
but it’s not your time.”
Suddenly too weak to stand,
I sat down beside her.
“What happened was not your fault,” she said,
“and will never be held against you.”
I looked at her.
I was embarrassed to have come here
to kill myself
and shocked that she knew what she knew.
My life is what it is, I said.
And the fault that you allude to
was mine and mine alone.
“You have so much life ahead of you,” she said.
“I am only here to point the way.
The choice is up to you.”
Do you really know what happened? I asked.
Do you know the pain I’ve caused?
“I do,” she said.
“And the pain you will relieve
is much greater.”
I was spooked.
Who are you
and how do you know my life? I asked.
“I am your angel Ruth.
I’ve know you long before you were born
and I will know you long after you die.
You can walk to the shore
or you can walk away.
The choice is yours.”
If you’re my angel, I said.
You know what happened
and how she died.
And how my choice haunts me.
“Your choice was difficult
and the ones to come, will be no easier.
But God is in your heart
and you will be a king someday.”
With that, she walked away
and disappeared into the darkness.
I stood there
by the statue of Stevie Ray Vaughn
and thought about the life I have lived,
and the choices I have made
and the life that might be waiting.
I fell to my knees
and begged forgiveness.
I kneeled there by the water
for an eternity
and then
I turned away from the water
and began the long trek back to my apartment.