Taking stock

How is today
different than any other day?
I wake in the morning,
planning to run
and cripple my snooze button instead.
I shower and stand in front of the mirror,
dripping, more out of shape
than I was yesterday.
But the scale says I am lighter.
How am I losing weight
when I can see myself grow fatter?
What am I losing?
I dress and return to the mirror.
Do I look better or worse than yesterday?
Do I feel better or worse?
I sit on the bed and stare at the clock.
It takes me five minutes to get to work.
I have an hour to contemplate
my life.
I think I was happier a few weeks ago
and wonder about my trajectory.
I seem to be unhappier each day.
I know what I need to do.
I need to stop drinking so much.
And smoking altogether.
I need to run everyday
and workout more.
Every morning I sit on this bed
and tell myself these things.
But a different person comes home
each evening.