I hate that I have to check myself every day
like a leper looking for a new bruise or scratch.
I have to judge myself and everything I do,
looking for flags that warn of past mistakes.
It doesn’t matter how happy I feel
or how well work is going
or how much I care about the woman I am with.
I have to check myself every day
to make sure these feelings are real
and not part of an upward surge
or a downward spiral.
I have to keep my life so evenly keeled
that sometimes it is impossible to live.
bipolar disorder is something i live with every day. i have to check myself, my thoughts and feelings, against whatever the fuck the "norm" is. its frustrating, but its part of my survival.
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