The last time I cried

The last time I cried
I was 24.
My grandfather died
And I got the call in LA.
I sunk to the floor.
And wept
Like a child,
Free from judgment,
Free from ridicule.
I sat in an empty apartment
With the phone
In my hand
And wept.
I curled up into a ball
And let the phone go.
I cried because I loved him
So much it hurt.
Everything I liked about myself
I attributed to him.
He made me want to be
A better person
From the age of 18.
I cried, remembering
Our last moments together,
Just weeks ago.
He loved golf
And had taught me so much
About the game.
When I saw him last
We went to the driving range
And he coached me
On my grip
And my swing.
I knew he was dying
Even then.
And I stopped our lesson
To join him on his bench.
We talked about life
And the world as it was.
He asked me to look
After my grandmother.
I said I would.
He asked me to look
After my mother
And I said I would.
He asked me to lead
A noble life
And I promised I would.
I didn’t cry then.
But I wanted to.